Daylight come and I wanna stay there

I'm seriously in love with my family.  These are the kinds of people who radiate love and compassion.  Spending time with them is like recharging my soul.  I wish all lived we lived closer to each other- imagine being plugged into free flowing love all the time, what would happen?  Well, one person's description of us implied that we may have been drinking all day prior to being in their presence....we hadn't.  Love it.

These amazing folks gathered from their respective corners of the states and settled into Sedona, Arizona for a week and I was ELATED at the thought of it.

We BBQ'd,

swam, 

hiked, 

awed, 

and basically enjoyed the heck out of ourselves.

I don't remember the last time I was so emotional that a vacation was over.  It took me at least two days to feel stable enough to think about it with out crying.  I miss my family.  It's a cool and rare thing to feel so confident with an entire group of people that I can just leave my child in their care and have not a worry.  It's a cool and rare thing to feel like the people around me all actually care about what is going on with me, they aren't just attempting casual conversation.  Not to mention the intriguing topics of conversation.  

You'll just have to trust me, because I'm keeping them for myself: this family is one for the books and I am blessed to have been born to them.  I'm ready to go back...

Bath time saddness

I am kind of addicted to taking baths. 

Late in the evening, after the toys are put in their box and the flurry of books that covers our living room floor are lined up on their shelf....this is when it happens.  Our tiny little house is so quiet and filling up the bathtub gets the tiniest bathroom dense with steam.  

Readiness goes like this: 

- gather reading material (the latest Sunset magazine is my preference, otherwise a book will do)

- turn the baby monitor toward the bathroom so I can see the munchkin from the tub

- pull my hair up, way up, onto my head to avoid getting it wet

- get my cell phone and place it on the sink in case the hubby calls

Then it's time!!  I like my water just a little bit too hot.  The kind of hot where you have to enter slowly and you end up with half a red body where your skin was under the water.  This is my favorite part.  I love feeling the super warmth and the tingle as my cold skin is shocked into the hotness and for a minute or two I just lay there.  

If I could have just that moment of bath time I would be happy.  The rest is just a slow death of hot bath water.  Everything after that point is my body getting acclimated and, eventually, too hot.  So I pass the time reading and bending my legs in and out of the water (us taller folk don't fit all the way into the tub all at once). In all truthfulness the whole experience lasts about 15 minutes, but I really love it.   

Do you ever sit in the tub as the water drains?  It's a funny feeling.  I imagine being an astronaut, coming back into the earth's atmosphere and losing my 'floatiness'.  As the water sinks lower, my body feels heavier and the weight of my legs presses by into my knees until eventually I am lying like a dead octopus, all collapsed, limp and heavy in the bottom of the tub.

And then I'm sad.  All that water, all that energy to heat it up for such a small bit of happiness.  It does take awhile for the heat to wear off though.  I can usually go a few hours before I am no longer self-heating.  Jazzy Belle likes bath time too.  She gets herself all cozy on the bath mat and glances at me lazily every so often.  She's not a fan of me dripping on her when I get out though.  

Do this! Now do this! Awwwwww.

Yesterday I had a kind of revelation.  A funny sort of observation that neither made me happy or sad, it was merely a "notice".

It has to do with kids (shocking, I know) and the way we urge them to learn, urge them to show off their new talents and skills.  I love watching Ro learn.  She's just so good at it!  When she gets her mind set to say a new word, she intentionally watches my mouth and works at mimicking the shapes and sounds I am making.  I get such a kick out of it, not to mention how easily I am awed by her.  It's so exciting, in fact, that I then go about 'showing off' my accomplishments.  It's something like, "Look everyone!  We made this kid and look what I taught her to do!  It's she just the coolest?  Aren't I just the coolest for having a kid like her?"

What are we up to as parents?  I can only speak for myself, so here goes.  It's true that I love showing my little one the world.  We are going to the Sacramento Zoo this weekend and I can hardly wait.  I want to see her face when she sees a flamingo for the first time and watch her while she soaks up what a real giraffe looks like. But a funny thing happens when we go out to see people we know, I get this urge to prove her to everyone.  To show them what she can do, as if that qualifies her worth as a person.  The silly thing is, I know that she doesn't need it.  I know she is perfection regardless of her abilities, her personality or her willingness to perform.  I could not love her more, just as she is.

So I guess the purpose of this post is to remind me that I can let her stand on her own.  It's to remind me to stay present to my need to put my own inadequacies on my kid.  And my need to prove myself.  Then to perhaps make a new choice.

BOONVILLE! *clap*clap* BEERFEST! *clap*clap*

Is there an event in your life that 

you look forward to every year?  

A yearly something-or-other?  In 

this house it's the Boonville 

Beerfest.  "So, what?" you say, 

"It's just a beerfest".  Ah, my 

friend, this is where you are 

mistaken.  The word, "just" has 

no business in the description of 

this event.

We go every year.  We have a heck of a good time every year too.  It's always on a Saturday, always in the middle of nowheresville (a.k.a. Anderson Valley) which is a gorgeous part of Northern California.  They 

have a sweet little fairgrounds there and once a year thousands 

of people roll into a town of a few hundred and have a good 'ol time.

We get there on Friday, to get the good camping spot.  Camping?  Huh?  Yup, this is a weekend event!  We camp in the fairgrounds with thousands of other people for two nights, all wedged into a modern day commune of like minded individuals.  And I love it.  This year we got hooked up with brewer's tickets which meant we got to camp down the street a bit in a similar style 'campground' made up of all the breweries that attend the beerfest itself.  I love it because it's not the kind of community that I encounter out and about in the world, it's the kind where even though I don't know you, we are already friends.  We just haven't met yet, that's all.  It's divine and I wish every day I could be surrounded by the same sentiment.

.

Brewer's tickets also meant we could get into the beerfest an hour early!  This is the best part!  No large crowd (yet)!  There are a ton of breweries to fill your sample glass with their beers as many times as you'd like.  This is right up my alley because I am not a huge beer fan, I'm pretty picky.  So I get to taste a bunch                                            of different beers with out committing to a whole bottle (only to find out I don't like it...usually).

 I'm a tried and true girly-beer girl so I found my niche with the "Hell or High Watermelon" wheat beer, Raspberry Lambic, Cherry ale,  Apricot-Peach ale and a variety of ciders (not too many for me though, since cider usually equals headache).

 Of course we brought Ro.  It was her second year and she was a hit.  Last year people asked if they could take pictures with her and this year we were stopped endlessly by oglers.  I got a few sideways remarks that I think weren't intended for my ears, "Really?  You brought your kid?" to which I say, "Yes.  She's my kid, she is my life.  Of course I brought my kid".  In reality that only happened twice (that I know of) and the outpouring of affection for her heavily outweighed the snarky comments.

The second night it rained.  All, 
night, long.  Ugh.  We packed up 
wet, dirty camping gear.  The 
worst.  And I'll still come next 
year if it rains again.  That's how 
much I love it.  I mean, how 
often can you be in an honest 
conversation about vaginal birth 
with a girl you've never met 
within seconds of meeting her? 

Or compliment a guy who's hair just got cut into a mullet before your eyes?  Or get jostled around by thousands of people who actually care that they jostled you?  Or play with sidewalk chalk at a restaurant?  Or learn about "knuckles"? 

Until we meet again Boonville :)

One year ago

Hey Mel, it's me.

Greetings from the future!  It's 2011, and you're getting much more sleep now.  I am writing to let you know that you are doing a great job!  I know that having a 3 month old is tough at times and you feel like you'll never see a full night of sleep again.  You will survive, I mean, here I am to tell you about it, right?

All those decisions you and Ethan are making, like co-sleeping, breastfeeding, holding her every time she cries and ignoring the "you're spoiling her" criticisms are turning out to be fabulous choices!  What a relief, right?!  I know this because Rosanna is probably the smartest, sharpest and well adjusted (whatever that means) one year old I have ever seen.  And her happiness knows no bounds.  She is inquisitive and sassy, she is a stinker but she minds.  It's amazing and I have you and Ethan to thank!

If only I could tell you that now, when you are questioning so much.  I am proud of you for sticking to your choices.  I will remember this when I am faced with the same sort of headwinds today.  It seems we just might know what we are doing after all.  And -get this- you have more friends than you did before!  Crazy, right?  Not only that, but they are quality friends.  The kind I always wished I had.  So having a baby wasn't such a bad decision!  In fact, nothing in life has compared to being a Momma.  But you know that.

Relax, girl.  You're doing great!

Love,
Me

And while you sleep I will miss you

Some days 

(like days when Rosanna gets up at 6 a.m.) 

are more exhausting than others 

(followed by a day of teething-induced clingyness).  

And I feel a bit of relief when it's time to put the wee-one in bed and have some time by myself 

(as a solo, single, non-glommed version of my former self).  

Then, strangely, I start to feel a bit lonely.

I start to wish she was awake, needing every molecule of my attention down to my individual skin cells.

Oh, dear.  

*sigh*

Being a mom=being a crazy person in the most outrageously wonderful, inexplicable fashion.

Ro was 5 months old in this video- watch for E's funny monkey arms and just try not to smile....I dare you.

Ole!

Happy Cinco de Mayo....I guess.  It's not really my thing, but if people are gonna get excited about it and throw parties on my town, then hey- I'm game!
Old town had some festivities, including a salsa contest.  We did our civic duty and tasted them all, voting for our favorites.
What to say about Rosanna.  Well, she's awesome.  I wish I had the unabashed freedom to "be" like she does.  Case in point: some peppy mexican music is playing, so she dances and dances and dances.  Walking around, just dancing away, laughing and clapping.  Case number two: there is a (unknown to us) little girl sitting on the pavement waiting for the entertainment to start, so Rosanna walks up and sits down right next to her.  We're all friends here, right?  Sure!  Who needs personal space?  Fantastic!  She is so wonderfully free from the "should"s and "supposed to"s that come with growing up in our world.  And people love it.  It is a funny thing, how desperately people want to be free from their mind's built up limitations and yet no one is willing to do it.  Let's all do it!  Then no one would feel weird being the only one!
Anyways, I'm pretty sure that when she's old enough, Rosanna is going to ask me if she can be a folklorico (spelling?) dancer.  She was entranced.  Then she was angry because I wouldn't let her join them in their choreographed routine.  Since she is 1/32 mexican, I think they'll accept her into the dance school asap :)

Dancing excitement:

Lastly, I'd like to thank whoever is responsible for this lovely event because I was able to get horchata for ONE DOLLAR.  Hooray!  It's like a Christmas miracle.  Plus my munchkin loved it, I win!