Baby-free-dom (a.k.a my day away)

This past weekend I was invited to spend a day away.  A WHOLE ENTIRE DAY.  Actually, I was invited to spend two nights away, but I'm not quite there yet- as you can see, the 'one entire day' thing is kind of a big deal.  So I took it, and was gone away from my child from sun up to sun down and it was marvelous.

I drove for two hours through winding back country roads and then through heavily forested highway, all alone in the little non-kid mobile (the kid mobile stayed with....the kid) and I felt calm.  I didn't have to tend to the backseat, there was no one else to chat with, there was freedom from short clinging people.  I took deep, purposeful breathes more than once and sunk deeper into the seat of the car.  It's strange how fully life can reprogram 28 previous years of childlessness into a life that revolves completely around one.

I have a soft spot for tall pine trees, sweet mountain air and dirty feet.  I even feel a bit of pride when my sandal-ed feet are dirty enough to get that speckled pattern from dirt accumulation.  I find it a bit disconcerting  that my kid isn't on board with this mentality, she finds being dirty upsetting- weird.

There were a few times when the setting moved me, when I felt like I wanted to get lost in a moment that would recharge my soul.  One time was when we were riding our rented bikes along a heavily used bike trail and I found myself alone- no friends ahead of or behind me, no fellow tourists gabbing away, drowning out the noise of the wind in the tree tops.  I was in an aspen grove, the light was bright on the white tree trunks and the breeze was making the leaves dance and flicker.  Aspen leaves are green on one side and nearly white on the other, so when they are all fluttering it's pretty awesome.  I wanted to stay there for awhile.

Eventually I came home.  It was dark and the roads were no fun this time.  When I finally walked through my front door I was simultaneously relieved to be home and a bit sad that my baby was sleeping (it was 11pm).  I had secretly hoped that she needed me to be able to fall asleep, she didn't.

It turns out that being away for the day was awesome.  My kid survived and so did I (shocking).  I got to relax my kid-holding muscles for a bit and she got to spend some extended one-on-one time with her daddy.  I might see an over-nighter in our future....

Cake is Crack

My kid and cake don't get along.  Or maybe it's that they get along too well, like in a "I need a hit!  Someone hook me up before I lose it!" kind of way.

Ro's Daddy and I made the decision today that maybe we should just stay away from cake for now.  This, as a result of two days where cake has been available and madness has ensued.  Yesterday there was a plate of the stuff and, having decided she didn't need more sugar-soaked carbs, we let her know that we were all done with cake.

the sign for "all done"

Well, she sought out the plate and on her way to it I firmly told her that she wasn't to touch it, that we were all done with cake, etc.  Apparently, for Ro, this is on par with a big ol' slap in the face, or some other sort of personal attack.  The heaving sobs, giant tears and deep gasps for air started immediately and she ran past the plate (Yay! She listened!) and fell onto me, shouting something angrily, snotty and eternally wounded.  

 

Oh, my.  All I can think is, "Really?  It's just cake!  Get a grip!"  So I held her and commiserated with her upset for a bit and then, suddenly, it was over.  She was up and off to tromp around with her cousins.  

Oye vey. 

The same sort of thing happened today.  She had a few bites of cake and then her world ended when I told her we were through.  Epic meltdown.  

So that's the end of Ro+cake for awhile.  I'm not too bummed, it's not like cake holds any nutritional value.  Plus, that means no cake for me too, and my soft belly needs no cake.

Organza

This might be where I lose you.  You might say, "This girl has gone off the deep end, she's a wack-a-doo hippie type and I just can't read this bologna anymore!" and then you might run from your computer, sobbing at the loss of your great friend: my blog.

The thing is, I have been watching documentaries, reading blogs and doing some personal research and I have come to some upsetting conclusions.  My conclusion is this: all of the readily available food is poisonous.  Well, not poisonous in the sense that someone put actual poison in it, just that the majority of the food surrounding us is not the food our bodies intended to be fed.

Consider a few things:

If you don't buy organic produce, you are buying genetically modified produce.  It's the truth.  You know what else?  The USA is one of the only places you can get produce this way because most other countries are  too uncomfortable with the idea, saying there is too little research to prove that it is actually safe for humans.  Take that information and couple it with the fact that by simply moving to the USA from another country you are upping your chances of getting cancer by 400%....I think there is a connection.

Unless you buy organic milk, you are getting milk from cows that have been treated with hormones (that cause them to create more milk and therefore, more money).  Because the hormones make the cows ill, they are also filled up with antibiotics (yum!).  These cows are also fed on genetically engineered feed that has been modified to resist disease/bugs.  This feed (soy, corn, etc.) is now able to resist these potential risks to itself on it's own, as it's DNA has been changed to make it release insecticide.  Corn is actually regulated by the EPA as an insecticide (this is the corn that shows up in your grocery store too).

I am not interested in eating insecticide.  Nor animals that are eating it so that I can eat them.  I think it's pretty disgusting, pretty irresponsible.

These are just a few of the disconcerting things I have learned lately.  If it had just been a few books, blogs and movies that were desperately trying to get this info out into the world, I may not be so inclined to believe it.  But the information just keeps coming, and mostly from people who have nothing to gain from it.  I can't, in good conscious, keep feeding my family that food.

We're going organic.  I almost feel like I don't have a choice.  Did you know that Kraft, Coca Cola and Wal-Mart are actually formulating their products differently for other countries?  They have to, otherwise they wouldn't have business in those countries (these are the same countries who have significantly lower cancer rates AND heath care costs).

It's time for a change people.  Who's with me?

(If you want some references, I have a list for you)

Ice "Cream"

Tonight I found myself SERIOUSLY craving sweets after dinner.   I looked high and low, tore up cupboards and dug to the back of the freezer, but alas- there is nothing sweet in my house.  This, by the way, is along time goal of mine: have no readily available crap to mindlessly gorge myself on.

I was so desperate I thought, "I need to go out and get something sweet, chocolaty, creamy...".  I, however, have a sleeping child who I am not willing to wake up just to entertain my sweet tooth.  So it was time to get creative.  I had frozen bananas (I make smoothies regularly, plus they are great for teething cuties), I had a can of coconut milk and some cocoa power.  I think I have told you about this dairy-free ice cream recipe in the past, and it's a keeper.  You get all the satisfaction of ice cream with out the heaviness and unhealthiness of dairy.  With my long term goal to eventually be diary-free, this is a good thing!

So: I put a few cups of frozen banana pieces in the blender and added about a half cup of coconut milk.  Then I blended it, adding more coconut milk slowly until the blender could move the banana around and do it's job.  You don't wanna get antsy and add too much, otherwise you'll loose the thickness that make this "ice  creamy".  If you do add too much, it won't be ruined, it'll just be more like a milk shake (or you can add more frozen banana if you have it).  Lastly I added about a tablespoon of cocoa powder and let that get incorporated and swirled in.

Then I ate it.*



*due to the deliciousness of the previous posting, no pictures were captured prior to consuming

My new emotional state

Sounds like fun, yeah?

Since I became a Mommy, I can and can't handle things the way I used to.  It's a fairly dramatic shift for me, and one that catches me off guard on a nearly daily basis.  For example, on a trashy celebrity news website they were talking about a young boy whose mom had succumbed to cancer (the a blurb was about a custody battle) and it was all I could do to hold back tears.  All I can think about is what if that's me?  What if I leave my kid motherless?  What if I don't get to see her grow up and she only knows me through pictures and stories?  It's enough to get me sobbing, snotty and swearing off processed foods in an effort to live forever.

And what about these movies where a kid get kidnapped or gets killed by some murderous villain?  Holy crap- I can't do it.  The movie gets turned off.  I used to watch those movies with an appropriate sadness and then was able to go on with my life.  Not any more.  Have you seen the comedy "Life As We Know It"?  I had no idea what this movie was actually about.  I thought, "Couple gets prego accidentally and they have a hilarious time figuring out how to live a life with a baby".  Which I, now, can relate to and laugh/cry about.  Well, I was only half right.  These two acquire a baby because the baby's parents DIE IN A CAR ACCIDENT.  I was in tears within the first twenty minutes of this "comedy" and had to stop watching it.  I cried and heaved for the next hour.  Yipes.

That's my life.  No more entertainment that involves broken family life (divorce included), it just doesn't work for me.

On the flip side, I can handle a poopy mess like a pro and I've wiped boogers with my bare, naked fingers when it had to be done.  That's right, I can be pretty hard core.  And heaven help you if you cross or bully my baby because this mamma bear has no qualms with sticking her finger in your chest.

All of this because of her, she's a powerful force!

Amazingness Factor

Rosanna.  What would I do without her?  She is by far the biggest and most amazing shift in my life EVER.  So I just have to brag.  I have to get it out of me and into the world, you must be privy to her amazingness.

Amazingness factor #1:
Kisses.  Sometimes randomly.  How cool is that?  The sweetest is when she is falling asleep and she needs one more, so she pushes her face up and I plant one right on her soft squishy face.  I never pass up a chance for Ro kisses because I know that one day she might be less inclined (at which point I will cry, shamelessly).

Amazingness factor #2:
Everything I said about #1, except replace "kisses" with "hugs".  No lie.  This kid can hug.  She'll even walk around the house, hunting down cats saying, "hug!" until she finds one....then they get hugged.

Amazingness factor #3:
Her willingness and excitement about communicating.  Does she wants yogurt?  "YEEEEAH!!"  Does she want strawberries?  "No".   And so it goes.  When there is a toy in the box that she really wants but can't get she looks intently at Ethan or I and says, "Hep!" (help) and will sometimes sign it too.  Lately she copies me when we are looking for something (or someone) and I say, as we look around, "Daddy?  Where are you?".  While she doesn't get all the words right, she gets the sing-song tone just perfect and it is crazy adorable.

Amazingness factor #3:

She says "Hi" to EVERYONE.  Even to you, awkward teenage boy who doesn't know what to do when a one year old says "Hi" to you.

Amazingness factor #5:

There is an unending newness to the world.  She takes on life in ways I had stopped considering.  It's like I get to experience everything all over again for the first time.  That's how mega-cool having a wee-one is.  It's so cool.   

I could go on.   And on and on and on.  Just ask me,  I'm a super dedicated pro in the "Rosanna" department.  I can tell you all about the 30 or so signs she knows and how her dexterity is amazing as a result.  Or what about the fact that she sings songs while we change her diaper, or drive in the car or just whenever?  She even has a growing library of dance moves, the latest is twirling.  The kind of dizziness inducing twirling that results in a collapse to the floor and extreme silliness.  And also she doesn't miss a thing- she'll see cats, birds, lions, you name it no matter how small and she'll point it out.  She could teach me a thing or two about seeing, and I mean really seeing the world around me.

Tangent.  I told you, I can't help myself.  

I'm a tweaker

...of photos that is.  Lately I can't get enough, I'm actually taking photos for the purpose of altering them.  It's sick.  It's also loads of fun!  Ethan might be tired of me asking relentlessly, "So, here is the original....now here's the new one.  Cool, right?!?!"

I think that maybe picnik should pay me, because I'm basically a walking advertisement for them.  I do all of my photo play there.  It's so danged easy.  And fun!  If you're paying any attention to facebook lately you have had a taste of my addiction.  I think I'm getting quite good too (in my amateur eyes).

Here are some of my faves!

Before:

 After:

Before:

After:

Before:

After:

Before: (look how much I was able to improve the color!)

After:

 I could go on.  I have at least 50 that I've done and it was hard to choose just a few (I am taking into consideration that not everyone thinks it is as cool as I do- you're welcome).  

I'd love to just get better at taking photos so that the tweaking part becomes less of a necessity, but in the mean time I'll keep having my fun.  Here's to being an amateur photographer!