I was looking at a new baby's photo on facebook. I was noticing all the comments, the well wishes and blessings. One small, chubby, new face that everyone had waited and longed to finally see.
I remember finally seeing Luci's face, knowing that everyone would, in minutes, see her online too. I felt a bit lost in those moments. There are photos of me holding her for the first time, cord still attached and my face is emotionless. Truth be told, it was also how I felt. The effort of the previous hours had taken all of my everything. Going through labor, this time, was more intense and gargantuan than I can begin to explain. I was loud. I said, "get her out of me". I heard myself, in a strange removed sort of way, and thought, "What a drama queen". And there was no other way for it to be. The pain and effort had to release somehow, and my method of choice was vocal. My husband would later tell me that he felt like he was in a war zone and I was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt too. I was glad for the precious baby in my arms and I was depleted in way that left no effort to smile or to even feel joy.
So now, when I see those fresh, new baby pictures I see an exhausted new mom too. Someone who might have felt like she was never going to get through it, until that glorious moment when she did.
It didn't take me long to recover from my disconnect. About an hour I think. I have a tendency to look beyond the new baby lately, and am compelled to reach out to the Mom. So much focus is on the new baby, the new baby will be fine, the new Mom might need some extra love though.