Would you like to know a surefire way to have your ego slap the sh*t out of your enlightenment? Just state out loud how you've got it figured out, that you've discovered a thick vein that will keep you tapped in and guess what? Your ego will have a hay day. EDIT: my ego will have a hay day.
Today I was THAT mom. I put my baby down on the floor of the pet store to find the right 'jacket' for our wisp of a dog and let her chew on the hangers. A few feet away my 3 year old didn't stop talking while finding furry balls to perch on top of her shoe a la Tinkerbell. I actually said, too loudly, "Rosanna, stop talking" so that a complete thought could skitter through my brain.
I showed up to purchase a table from a fellow civilian a half an hour late, and when I opened the rear portal to my van (I'm in my thirties after all) our dog was trying to clamber over the seats, my baby was sobbing and my 3 year old was.....talking. Yay.
Now it's 7pm. Bedtime. No one has eaten. Eating out is the only option. We arrive and I whip out a boob for the baby only to discover that half of my chest has been unsupported (see: nursing bra, unclipped) since the last time I fed her- 3 hours ago. And guess what else? The 3 year old has to go potty. Again. She JUST went...like we walked in the door and straight to the bathroom. So of course, now that the boob is out, she would have to go again. Fast forward to actually having food on the table. This lasted approximately 5 minutes before I decided that to-go boxes were the only way to deal with Fast Hands McGrabberson if I wanted to leave with the same number of children I showed up with.
Bonus: the dog didn't poop or pee in the car!
And now......they sleep. It is oh, so blissfully quiet. So freaking, awesomely, divinely serene.
Don't tell anyone, but I miss them just a smidge.