Blazing Humanoid

You may have heard an atrocious rumor that a few weeks ago I turned *ahem* thirty.  Damned lies.

Actually, I did.  

For my birthday I decided I didn't want "things".  I certainly don't need things and our living space doesn't allow for many more things to be a part of our repertoire.  I want an experience.  I want an experience that I wouldn't have had last year and that I may not have next year.  I want it to be special, extravagant, awesome.  So in lieu of "things" I was a request for money.  To execute my birthday wishes would probably take more money that I had laying around, even though I had no idea what it would be yet.  I know now.

For a bit of time it was a toss up between a spa weekend with the hubs (mud baths, luxurious bedding, massages- you get the idea) or an overnighter to see Wicked and stay at a B&B.  Both sounded like superb choices and yet I was having trouble committing to one.  I like to think that when the right thing comes my way I will feel joy and elation over my decision.  I'm so glad I hadn't chosen (and sent off my birthday money) yet.  

A few days ago I saw a video on youtube.  It brought back all kinds of lost yearnings.  How could I have forgotten how badly I wanted to go to Burning Man?

I watched this video and nearly cried.  If you know me, you knew this was inevitable.  My friend Eric (who has been multiple times) says that this video sums up how he sees Burning Man better than any video he's seen.  I want to go with a burning (ha!) passion.  I want to go so badly!  

And there it was.

I had collected almost exactly two tickets worth in cash for my birthday.  My heart was a flutter.  My heart was racing.  This is my birthday present.

I hope.

This year's ticket sale is via a lottery.  I entered into it today.  I might cry if I don't get in.  We'll know in February.  I am already thinking of the wild outfits I want to put together and the body art I want to take on. I have ideas for my hair and my shoes and my makeup.  It will be the most fun. 

Not everyone is excited for me (and some might even want to retract their birthday donation) but I am convinced it is because they don't really get Burning Man.  I don't even get it (yet) and how could I?  I haven't been.  Eric says it's, "like Disneyland for adults" and the everyone's attitude is, "happy and giving".  

So here I'll sit, waiting anxiously (so anxiously!) for February first.

Baby-free-dom (a.k.a my day away)

This past weekend I was invited to spend a day away.  A WHOLE ENTIRE DAY.  Actually, I was invited to spend two nights away, but I'm not quite there yet- as you can see, the 'one entire day' thing is kind of a big deal.  So I took it, and was gone away from my child from sun up to sun down and it was marvelous.

I drove for two hours through winding back country roads and then through heavily forested highway, all alone in the little non-kid mobile (the kid mobile stayed with....the kid) and I felt calm.  I didn't have to tend to the backseat, there was no one else to chat with, there was freedom from short clinging people.  I took deep, purposeful breathes more than once and sunk deeper into the seat of the car.  It's strange how fully life can reprogram 28 previous years of childlessness into a life that revolves completely around one.

I have a soft spot for tall pine trees, sweet mountain air and dirty feet.  I even feel a bit of pride when my sandal-ed feet are dirty enough to get that speckled pattern from dirt accumulation.  I find it a bit disconcerting  that my kid isn't on board with this mentality, she finds being dirty upsetting- weird.

There were a few times when the setting moved me, when I felt like I wanted to get lost in a moment that would recharge my soul.  One time was when we were riding our rented bikes along a heavily used bike trail and I found myself alone- no friends ahead of or behind me, no fellow tourists gabbing away, drowning out the noise of the wind in the tree tops.  I was in an aspen grove, the light was bright on the white tree trunks and the breeze was making the leaves dance and flicker.  Aspen leaves are green on one side and nearly white on the other, so when they are all fluttering it's pretty awesome.  I wanted to stay there for awhile.

Eventually I came home.  It was dark and the roads were no fun this time.  When I finally walked through my front door I was simultaneously relieved to be home and a bit sad that my baby was sleeping (it was 11pm).  I had secretly hoped that she needed me to be able to fall asleep, she didn't.

It turns out that being away for the day was awesome.  My kid survived and so did I (shocking).  I got to relax my kid-holding muscles for a bit and she got to spend some extended one-on-one time with her daddy.  I might see an over-nighter in our future....