Sunday, July 17, 2011

Baby-free-dom (a.k.a my day away)

This past weekend I was invited to spend a day away.  A WHOLE ENTIRE DAY.  Actually, I was invited to spend two nights away, but I'm not quite there yet- as you can see, the 'one entire day' thing is kind of a big deal.  So I took it, and was gone away from my child from sun up to sun down and it was marvelous.

I drove for two hours through winding back country roads and then through heavily forested highway, all alone in the little non-kid mobile (the kid mobile stayed with....the kid) and I felt calm.  I didn't have to tend to the backseat, there was no one else to chat with, there was freedom from short clinging people.  I took deep, purposeful breathes more than once and sunk deeper into the seat of the car.  It's strange how fully life can reprogram 28 previous years of childlessness into a life that revolves completely around one.

I have a soft spot for tall pine trees, sweet mountain air and dirty feet.  I even feel a bit of pride when my sandal-ed feet are dirty enough to get that speckled pattern from dirt accumulation.  I find it a bit disconcerting  that my kid isn't on board with this mentality, she finds being dirty upsetting- weird.
There were a few times when the setting moved me, when I felt like I wanted to get lost in a moment that would recharge my soul.  One time was when we were riding our rented bikes along a heavily used bike trail and I found myself alone- no friends ahead of or behind me, no fellow tourists gabbing away, drowning out the noise of the wind in the tree tops.  I was in an aspen grove, the light was bright on the white tree trunks and the breeze was making the leaves dance and flicker.  Aspen leaves are green on one side and nearly white on the other, so when they are all fluttering it's pretty awesome.  I wanted to stay there for awhile.

Eventually I came home.  It was dark and the roads were no fun this time.  When I finally walked through my front door I was simultaneously relieved to be home and a bit sad that my baby was sleeping (it was 11pm).  I had secretly hoped that she needed me to be able to fall asleep, she didn't.

It turns out that being away for the day was awesome.  My kid survived and so did I (shocking).  I got to relax my kid-holding muscles for a bit and she got to spend some extended one-on-one time with her daddy.  I might see an over-nighter in our future....

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