It's Monday!

So you're thinking, yeah, so what?  You don't have a civilian job, what do you care what day it is?  Well, let me tell you that Mondays mean me time.  Usually two whole hours of solo flying.  Quiet, childless bliss.  Two hours is usually just the perfect amount of time too, it's right about then that I can't stand it one more minute.  Today I'll be vegging out at a coffee shop with my book and, well nothing else.
I just had to share.  It's a time I used to dread and now look forward to.  Yay for Monday :)

You know you're a mom when....

You know you're a mom (of an 11 month old) when....

....you spend half the day pulling your pants back up while a smaller person uses them to hoist themselves.

....you keep a list of things 'to-do' during nap time such as: clean the bathroom, shower, iron, call people, nap.

....going to the bathroom goes more smoothly if you bring baby toys to entertain your little guest.

....your facial muscles have become toned due to making exaggerated emotional faces all day long (insert high eye browed, wide mouthed, googley face here).

....your Tupperware has found new life in being banged on the floor, filled with ABC blocks and used to make an obstacle course.

....insert any other household item in place of "Tupperware" in the previous statement (i.e. wooden spoons, shoe boxes, empty OJ bottles and hangers).

....you have sung strange songs lately about changing diapers, colors, taking a bath and how yummy baby food is.

...life is dictated by a person less than half your size who is happy, sad, singing , hungry, poopy, and tired all at once (good luck with that, by the way).

....you love your topsy-turvy lifestyle and wouldn't change a thing for any amount of money, because it rules and is the best possible direction your life could have gone.

Your turn!

For reals? So easy!

I've heard over and over again that avocado is a great first baby food.  I've made it for Ro a couple times.  By "made it" I mean: mushed it up and sometimes mushed bananas with it.  Yum?  Ro says yes.  Well tonight, in a moment of sheer brilliance,  I cut open the end of an avocado, scooped it out bit by bit with a baby spoon and straight into the mouth of my waiting babe.  It doesn't get more pure than that!

Breakfast & Napping

Here is my new favorite breakfast!  I love it, it's so yummy and (relatively) good for you too.  Can't beat that, right?  First, I chop up what ever fruit I have on hand.  Today it was strawberries and apples.  I added blueberries too, although I didn't chop those.

Then, I plop on some Greek style yogurt (I think the protein in the yogurt keeps me fuller longer- win!)

And lastly, a pureed mango.  Yum, yum!

I think I like it because I'm a sweets fiend, and with all the fruit it's, well, sweet.

Today I'm gonna try a new angle on napping.  Supposedly babies naturally get sleepy every 90 minutes or so, that's just their sleep cycle.  So the idea is you put them down 90 minutes after each time they wake up and then your kid is well rested and even sleeps more soundly at night.  Double win.  Let the napping begin!

Potage Parmentier

A few weeks ago, walking through the farmer's market with family and friends, my friend Valerie picked up some leeks.  At that moment, I realized I had no idea what to do with a leek.  I saw them there every week, or more accurately, didn't see them there because I had mentally blocked them out as an option for purchase.  So this was my big chance, "What do you so with those?" I asked.  She says they are great for potato leek soup.  Kind of like an onion, she says.  Onions I can handle.  They are like a big 'ol green onion.
Then, more recently I started reading "Julie & Julia" and very early in the book she makes Potage Parmentier.  Which is potato leek soup.  A sign?  I say yes!  So I picked up some leeks, potatoes and well....that's it.  This (supposedly) wonderful soup has only two real ingredients.  I don't count the salt and butter because I already have them at home.

So I cut up the potatoes,

I'm not much for measuring, unless I'm baking, so this is my 1 pound of potatoes....give or take.  In the book she has a meditative experience peeling potatoes, so I tried to hone in on the act of peeling to really get into that cooking zen.  I have to admit that I was more worried about catching my fingers in the peeler than anything and didn't 'get it'.  I did, however, feel quite purposeful while cutting them.  I thought, "This is what people have been doing forever.  Potatoes are like the ultimate back-to-basics food."  A knife cutting through a potato is some how fulfilling.  (Is it obvious my baby was sleeping?  Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to connect to the mighty potato at all).  Next, leeks!  They even smelled a bit oniony when I cut them.  Three cups of leeks to my one pound of potatoes.

Then, 2 quarts of water plus one tablespoon salt.  I have nothing to measure a 'quart' with so I guesstimated.  Oh, and (per a suggestion) I replaced some of the water with broth.  Then it simmers for 45 minutes.

Then you're asked to smoosh it up with a fork.  Or a food processor.  This is when I start to think that measuring would have been a good idea.  There seems to be an extraordinary amount of liquid.  Nothing like the pictures I see online.  Dang it!  So I messed up.  It was still tasty.  The very last request from the recipe is that you stir in a pat of soft butter to your bowl while it's hot and just before you eat it.  For how very few ingredients this recipe has I was super impressed with the taste.  I had my reservations, and I was proven wrong.  

Next time, more measuring!!

Fudge.

I've been fending off feeling emotional about the chaos going on in life around me.  You know what they say, when you stuff your emotions, stuff, stuff, stuff- eventually there is an explosion.  I am on the brink of said explosion.  I can feel my vat of emotions getting dangerously full.  It's like a generously filled martini, don't tip it and pay close attention to it or else suffer a spill.

Ohh, martinis.....quick fix?  Or more stuffing....

Ugh.  I dread crying.  Not the happy, "Oh, my goodness!  She's walking!" kind of crying.  Nope.  I dread the sadness and hopelessness.  I dread the swollen head feeling and boogery nose.  Then, when I go to brush my teeth, I dread seeing myself in the mirror all puffy, blotchy, unrecognizable.

I may be unavailable later on tonight.  I am scheduling a melt down from 10-10:30 and I am setting my timer to make sure I don't get sucked down into the black hole of anguish.  Please don't worry about me.  I just need to get it out of my system.

Holla!

Less than 1 month!

In less than one month our little girl will be a whole entire year old.  Yipes!  To commemorate this almost-milestone, I give you two photos: the first of the day she was born and the second from yesterday.  What a transformation!

Pretty in Pink

Toys'R'Us+Ro Baby+Camera=Good Fun.

Are you sure mom?  I don't wanna get a ticket at such a young age...

Oh, boy!  This is the best!!

I'm gonna cruise the aisles, wind in my hair!

Where's the stereo on this thing?

Honk!  Honk!  Look out!  I can't reach the brake pedals!!

This is the funnest store ever!

Swing sets & Smiles

Joy is watching my daughter experience the swing all by herself for the first time.  She leaned all the way into the front panel of the swing...

....and swung back and forth.  Back and forth.  No crying.  No laughing.  Just thoughtful concentration.

With a little coaxing, she decided that this set-up was a-o.k.  She whipped out the sweet baby cheeks and it was time to have fun!

 Dang, it!  She is sooo cute!  We even tried out the rest of the  playground, but it wasn't built with wee-ones in mind.  We gave it a go anyways.

Bottom of the slide, anyone?

I love her, "Yup, here I am..." face.  It makes me giggle every time :)


Afterwards we made the long trek back home - it's about a 3 minute walk, so I'm sure you can sympathize.

Lastly, a little blogger quiz!


"Four Things"
Four TV Shows I Watch:

• Mentalist (he's hunky)
• Top Chef
• GLEE!!
• How I Met Your Mother (gut puncher on that last episode)

Four Things I’m Passionate About:

• Rosanna
• My transformation (my family is counting on it!)
• Friends (still actively learning how to be one)
• My body (loving/hating it)

Four Things I Learned In the Past:

• Communication is the key to everything
• Accountability will change your life
• Right now- and now.  Wait, now.  Now- is all there is.
• Pregnancy lasts forever while you're in it, and seems like just a blip now that it's gone.

Four Things I’m Looking Forward To:

• Teaching Rosanna about everything!
• Rosanna's first birthday
• Date night(s) with Ethan
• Making a Tahoe trip happen with my peeps

Four Things I Love About Winter:

• Hot baths
• Down comforter
• The feeling of moving from cold outside to warm inside
• Fireplaces

Blam!!

One! Two?

     Today I am thinking about number 2.  No, not that number 2!  The second child.  Every few days something happens to make me think about it and today is one of those days.
     I may have said this before, I can't remember, so I'm going to go on as if I haven't.  Here goes:  I am scared of having another kid.  It is the same kind of scared I had when deciding to have Ro.  The decision to get pregnant went like this:

We're not ready.

What does "ready" mean?

Do we have enough money?

How much money is enough?

Are we ready to give up our twosome-ness?

What if I resent the baby for taking up all my time?

     That last one was my own, all the rest were shared with Ethan.  Eventually, as I assume you've derived, we decided to go for it.  The thinking was that "ready" might never happen.  We would find ourselves graying and finally saying, "We're ready!".  Oops, too late.
     So here I am, thinking the same exact thoughts about Rosanna's possible sibling.  The difference is that in the previous scenario, I knew I had to have a baby of my own.  Today's scenario finds the previous statement fulfilled.  I don't have to have another baby.  I am supremely happy with my one.  I could live on feeling my motherly urges satisfied.  However, we always said that we at least wanted two.  We always said that siblings were important to us.  Not only that, but we wanted the two of our children to be close in age so that they could be playmates and confidants.  This looked like me getting pregnant when child number one had their first birthday.  A quick look at a calendar confirms that said time line will require a pregnancy in the near, near future.
     So here we are.  It's not that I don't wanna be pregnant, I thought it was quite the magical time in my life (with the exception of early nausea).  The fate of my current miracle is what troubles me.  I love what we have going on here (these are the same words I said to my husband before we conceived) and I don't want to resent the new baby for messing it up (hmm, sounds familiar).  I don't want my relationship with my daughter to suffer because I have to split my time tending a newborn.  And what of my "2nd child" theory?  It goes something like this:  #2 doesn't get the undivided attention like #1 had (and how could he/she?  It wouldn't be possible) so #2 causes 'problems' in their life.  For example, they are difficult, troublemakers and act out as a result of their #2 status.  This is no one's fault, a single child is the recipient of all the parents' attentions, two children can only occupy parents' attention as long as the other one is willing to be still.  It a rough draft of a theory, and I would say that I am full of crap, except I can think of plenty of examples.
     I want to wrap this up with a final thought.  Having another kid also ups my chances for heartache.   It's a subject I can't think about with out tears streaming down my face.  Upon seeing my baby's face for the first time I was overwhelmed with fierce love simultaneous with "what have I done?".  The "what have I done?" part refers to the realization that I couldn't live without her.  That if I hadn't had her in my life, I wouldn't have so much to lose.  More children=more to lose (don't get me wrong, I'm not lost on the fact that they ADD so much).
     So I implore you, what are your thoughts on additional children?  What is your honest experience?  I don't promise to follow your advice, and I would love to hear your perspective (especially if you are the parent of 2+).
In the mean time, here is my #1 girl

Perfect moments

When my daughter was born I thought, "She can never change, she is so perfect in this moment."  Her sweet squished nose,

 her tiny little body,

 and her amazing steel blue eyes.

I would have done anything to keep her in that newborn baby way.  I love, love, loved my tiny Ro.  

Then, weeks later, I was looking through pictures of her from the day she was born.  I was aghast at how she had changed!  Already, my tiny Ro was a bigger Ro, and I didn't want her to change.  She was perfection.  Beautiful, 

exploring, 

zen-like, 

hilarious.

And this realization repeated itself every few weeks, each time I would swear that this is the stage of her life I am loving the most.  I would pray that these moments would last forever, or at least fly by a little slower.  I think this speaks to just how fantastical our little munchkin is.  She is making every moment worth living.  Have you seen her walking?  Well, she is.  She's pretty proud of herself too.  Have you heard her laugh?  It's the purest form of joy that I've encountered.  

So I suppose what I'm trying to say is, I love this stage of her life.  I don't want her to be the big oh-one (less than two months away).  I want this moment to last and last.  I've learned that in her life I'll always be in that special moment, but I can't help but pre-mourn that this time will pass.  I'll settle for being thankful that I get any moments at all.  

New car, I mean, van.

It's done. 
Find the perfect guy?  Check.
Get married?  Check.
Buy a house?  Check.  (Lose a house?  Check.)
Give birth to a gorgeous child?  Check.
Buy a family mobile.....check.
You know it.  We took the plunge.  I'd forgotten how nerve racking executing a large purchase can be.  It's such a commitment!  My brain inundated me with anxieties.  What if we find a more perfect car for the right price next week?  What if we are settling for this car and I hate it?  Etc, etc.  I finally had a good talk with myself and came to the conclusion that this van would do just fine.  It was clean and perfect and had all the things we wanted when we said we needed a new car. 

Here she is, in all her mini van glory!